Singles Only Event on Valentine's Day14:02 - Monday 23 December 2013 - In Category Lifestyle
Single? Want to do something about it? Read On…
On Friday 14 February 2014 PassionSmiths are inviting you to dance, flirt and fall in love at their annual SINGLES ONLY party in an exclusive apartment near Old Street and Liverpool Street stations.
As per tradition they make sure guests meet, mix and mingle. A ‘love potion’ will be served upon arrival, along with free flowing wine and snacks until 10pm (then paying bar until 1am). Other features include a live performance, dance floor boogie and ‘romance room’ with icebreakers and flirt games.
Men are from… Earth?
We’ve all heard the saying ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’. But scientists have recently proven that Mars and Venus are hostile and toxic planets, probably unable to host life as we know it. So maybe men and women don’t come from these planets after all!
London’s premier dating and relationships experts PassionSmiths have explored six common myths that separate and polarise men and women; when they are in fact misleading and do more harm than good in the dating world.
Myth 1: Men Only Want Sex
There is an argument that men are biologically designed to ‘spread their seed’, and their motivation to get with women is based on this so-called biological urge. As a result, many women fear that men are only interested in ‘one thing’ and not in them as a person.
However, consider this: Humans have a fundamental need to connect, we are social animals and beyond this we have a need for intimacy. Psychologists call this the need for aﬃliation. Granted, some people need this more than others, but it is not limited to a speciﬁc gender. Men need and want meaningful relationships that give them a sense to connect just as much as women do.
There may be a biological gender bias towards the desire for meaningless sex, but when we talk about people and intimate relationships, for all intents and purposes, all genders are capable of faithfulness, infidelity, sex for the sake of sex, and sex for the sake of love and intimacy.
Sometimes, men only want sex and so too do women. Interestingly, more often than not, neither only want just sex, even if they think they do!
Myth 2: Only Women Are Emotional
This is a really interesting one. There is a stereotype in our society about how ALL women are needy and can’t control their emotions, as if men do not also experience this (just look at the display of emotions at football games). There is an assumption that showing emotions is bad and weak, when in fact it is a completely normal characteristic of human communication.
It can’t be denied that in some circles there is a somewhat dated social pressure on men to appear invulnerable (cheerful, un-emotional, fearless, nonchalant) while emotional expressions, which could be seen as weak (crying, sadness, moved to joy by beauty) are often accepted more in women.
This is a complex topic because the reason society has grown up like this is rooted in all kinds of social, biological, cultural (etc) influences. But suffice to say, the difference is no more than skin-deep.
Nobody likes to be rejected or made fun of, and everyone needs to feel liked and loved, at least enough to feel accepted and connected. Everyone has feelings, and in this, the most social of all ages, be you man, woman or gorilla, it’s important to be in touch with your feelings and know how to communicate them to the people you care about. Without emotion it would be much more diﬃcult to navigate in the social world.
Think about how you make decisions. You rely on your emotions to tell you whether something is a good idea or not, fun or not etc.
Whilst it may be difficult to imagine an emotional and needy man, they do exist. And anybody under the wrong circumstances can be driven to emotional outbursts.
Myth 3: The Man Has to Make the First Move
Over the years, there have been many fascinating discoveries about human courtship, such as the hints women inadvertently give (flicking hair, meaningful gazing, smiling), which alert observant male suitors to their potential attraction. This was further revealed in a recent BBC study which showed men would be less likely to approach a woman not giving these ‘go’ signals.
Hollywood and fairy tales would have us believe that Prince Charming will slash through all barriers and obstacles while the Princess passively takes her beauty sleep.
However, if you think about it, the slumbering Princess had indeed given out a ‘welcoming signal’ in the form of advertised availability. Nations knew about the damsel in distress; she was in need of a man.
At the end of the day, it takes two to tango. BOTH men and women need to give each other ‘green light’ signals. There is in fact no rule that men have to make the first move.
So if you are a woman that has this belief you may be losing out by not being receptive and giving out welcoming signals. Say hello, smile, and engage in the guys you like. If you are man with this belief, be mindful you are not being too brash and cocky. Perhaps give the lady some space.
Myth 4: Only Women Have Check Lists
He has to be 6ft tall, have 20:20 vision, look like Brad, and be rich. Well, that’s most of the population crossed out then.
We have heard men complain about things like, ‘women want men with hair’. The guys may nod at this assertion and think, ‘that’s why it’s so difficult to meet women’ (as one gentleman lamented in our survey).
Men have lists too; she must be a model, intelligent, sexy, love sports and be grounded. Truth is, everyone has lists regardless of what they say, AND WE NEED THEM! We need to know what we will and will not accept.
However, the above stereotypical lists are probably not that helpful. When compiling your list, try instead to think of values and interests that are important to you. Respectful, kind, want kids, honest, early bird…
Superficial checklists may lead you to rule out a potential date. So instead of writing ‘he must be 6ft’, think about what it is about 6ft men that is desirable to you. Is it because you think he will make you feel safe? If so, then that is your checklist item.
She has to look like a model. Why? Because this means she takes good care of herself? Then that is what you want to be looking for. Don’t be afraid to have checklists, just make sure they are realistic and authentic to you.
Myth 5: All Men Cheat
A variant of this is that all men are players. It may stem from Myth 1 that ‘men only want sex’, and they have this urge to have sex ‘all the time’ (while wives stereotypically have consistent headaches).
However, consider anthropologist Prof Helen Fisher’s interesting observation: All these cheating men… Who are they cheating with? She explores lust in the brain amongst both men and women and has shed light on the chemical reactions in the brain when it comes to love (see video above).
But back to cheating: It might be an uncomfortable truth that infidelity occurs regardless of gender. We won’t go into why infidelity occurs, but we do want to highlight the danger of stereotyping men and women. It’s best to take responsibility for ourselves, and our own situations instead.
If you are the bearer of this mind-set, you may be setting yourself up for unnecessary anxiety. You need to be able to trust one another.
Not ALL men cheat, neither do ALL women cheat. We find amongst our clients, men and women alike, that they ultimately want good, solid, happy relationships.
Myth 6: All Single Women Are Desperate
Women are famous for their ‘biological clock’, which is alleged to be the reason behind the complaint that women in their 30s and early 40s are aggressive and ‘needy’ in their dating pursuits.
A conversation we had not too long ago revealed a couple of men in their 30s wishing that women would ‘slow down’ in the dating game. Men do not find it attractive when women ‘throw’ themselves at them, even if it is flattering. Just as, alluding to Myth 3 about who makes the first move, it’s not attractive when a man ‘throws’ himself at a woman either.
While this is a massive topic in itself, we tend to forget that men have a biological clock that kicks in after 40. This is a time when many reflect on their ability to be a good (and young enough) father, and an apparent longing to have children begins to surface. Men and women alike can be desperate for many reasons; fear of being alone, growing old without a companion etc.
What we find is that most people do not realise when they are being ‘needy’. If you find yourself obsessing about someone and texting them a bit more than you would a good friend without a reciprocated response, you may be coming across as desperate. Even those innocent check-in texts like: ‘Hi. Was just thinking about you’, could come across the wrong way.
So, as shocking as it may seem to some, the ground-breaking conclusion is that men and women are both from earth! Simultaneous research has revealed an even more startling fact: Not only do men and women originate from the same planet, but they are in fact the same species – homo sapiens-sapiens, that is, HUMAN!
Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth. Get used to it!
PassionSmiths are experts in helping people to understand their relationship patterns, get dates, attract relationships, build good online profiles and remedy relationship issues. Visit their website, here